Sometimes I feel like the almighty ruler of working mommydom. But sometimes, I feel like the serf working for a larger ruler that keeps me in chains. Li was sick today. I knew it at midnight (and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5) when he woke up crying for me to lay down with him. I could feel how hot his body was. He has been nursing a runny nose for the past week or so. But he always has that because of daycare. It's almost a badge of daycare honor to have a runny nose. Anyways, I think it finally turned a bad corner and he was feverish all night long. So, at midnight I had already made the half asleep decision to stay home with him. I knew that today was going to be a busy workday, but hopefully manageable. I ended working all day long while the kids hung out watching hours of Netflix. Finny decided that he should stay home and "keep Liam company" (translation: watch hours and hours of Netflix). All day long, Liam would walk up to me at the kitchen table, grab my hand and lead me into the living room to play with him. I had to keep telling him 5 more minutes, after this email, once I am done with the conference call, once I finish this report. It felt so icky. Now don't get me wrong, I adore my job 97% of the time. I feel empowered to be a working mom. I am appreciated tremendously by my AMAZING bosses. Somedays though, it feels like I am a neglectful mom. I try so hard to be there for them. I have a responsibility to both work and home but where do you draw the line. I wish it was an easy answer. I wish that I could be 100% to both sides, but I can't. This is what I seem to be struggling with lately. I'll figure it out eventually, I just don't know what to do right now.
Just remember your boys love you no matter what, just like you do them. I'm sure they loved being with their Mama that day even though her energies were divided!
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